Bye bye Colorado and on to new work camping place

We are moving on to the new winter work! New state but a place we have been before me for about a week and hubby for almost 3 months.  Happy and sad all at once...

We did get a new to us car and the stuff to tow it behind the RV lights and all.  Changed our what state we are from to Texas.

But on our trip we are taking our time and a getting a few things done. We first stopped at Philmont scout ranch for Garrett to show us what and why. Then off to get texas drivers licenses.  Now on to Grand Canyon and a few others fun places on the way!!

House sold

Yay house is sold and all done!  School testing for the kids is all done too!  Yay work camp and live is all we.have to do now!  Yay

Work place BS

Who needs it right!  Not me for sure.   But it looks like there is a snake in the grass here this person lies....  plans and is trying to get others fired around them... why I ask my self....well that I think is all to try and get there friends here to work...

So this person it toxic for this work place... sadly the boss does not see it lie the snake in the garden of eden that got Adam and Eve to eat the apple this person has the bosses ear and feeds him lies and trying to hurt,ran out and get the others fired.   I hurt how this person is killing this place slowly like a bow snake hateful this person in into I now see rotten from the inside that is something you can't fix ether.  And it will kill this work place if the boss does not stop see what it going on and stop this person. 

I am having a I hate life days

I am having a I hate life type of day and I don't know why.  I was and am in a great mood but I have this feeling out of no where come over me of " god I hate life" not I hate my life but I just hate life and why.... my head is all busy and going 1000000000 different ways and none of them are about anything really none of the thoughts are negative at all.  I guess it could be me being overloaded feeling. Do to the ADHD and dyslexic am a over thinker and I get over wlemed easy and I things hard when I mess up and feel like I can do anything right ever.  I hate having these issues wish i was like everyone else I am tired of everything I do be harder.  And sadly I seem to to just be one of the unlike SOB that things blow up in my face or go wrong more often than most people.. I wish to be normal and not fell like I am running in place in mud.  Some day I guess I might feel normal...

Today was the bridge run

Today is the race I told my self I would do and I feel like I felled and a loser.... I can't do it... I still don't feel like running why I felled my self could I suck

Stressing and work

I have been stressing about work... I hate it when I have no idea what to do and it was not help when the person training you does not have a 100% for sure right way to do things them selive and everyone else around you treats you like you should know these and gets fussy with you when you mess up and be one has shown you what to do or how to do something.  And everyone tells you a different way and the tells you then what the other person tell you was and or is wrong and not done that way....   I am tired of this and it is just making me stressed out and hate working again.  I hate it right now and starting to even hate it here.... I hope it gets better soon...

Why do some people grow act like 2 year Olds.

So we are one the youngest people working here.  I am finding most of the people we work with are cool and claim and I like them.  But there is one couple who are acting like 2 year olds and when you doing another thing they don't like and not nice to boot and call the camp Manger like he was daddy to get there way.. and leaving note every where when anyone else steps out of line or does not know something.  Sadly these people are 30 or more years older than me so I have issues with telling them to step off when I should.  I wish they would act their age and not their shoe size.

Feeling on losing the drive to run.. or am I just feeling low?

I lose my want to run... more than lose the drive I should say. Because I do still dream of running and think about it all the time! Just when I think about put on the shoes and going through getting dressed I feel unmotivated to do so I feel like poop for blowing my big goal I really wanted and needed to do to show my self I can do things.  But I guess living in a RV with my hubby and kids and work camping I should not let this stuff bugs me so much.  Because we are doing what is right for the family as a whole here.  Big but I feel like I felled my self here and why keep trying that is all I do... is fell... I got to say I hate ADHD and the ups and downs it comes with.  I feel like all I am good at is F-inf up everything in my path.  And I never meet many of my goals I set for my self ether.  My husband to great he is so loving and tries his best to keep me happy and going he and the kids are a real blessing in my life without them I would not be as well out as I am. 

Running....

I have not felt like running lately.  Mainly because I had a great goal I told my self I would be doing this year my first big race.  It was going to be the Charleston bridge run.  And with everything that happened this year and last year I did not sign up for it.  And it will be the 2 of April and I found my self sadder and sadder and less and less want to run because I am starting to feel why should I keep going there is no point anymore.  I will never get anywhere anyway.  This was my before my next birthday goal. Like every other thing in my life I blow up.  I give up on my self what's the point anyway.  God seems to not even bother trying to help or protect me anyways why sure I care to do things for me really.  Every time a try god seems to do everything in his power to throw down and f-up my life so I have in hope.  I feel like a bug on the shoe of God.

Yes you can bake in a RV

I have had to learn to cook and bake with gas oven and stove!  It is like learning things all over again but I have been doing well.  Yesterday I made monkey bread.  It was yummy too. 

We got a work camping job

Well we got a work camping job yay.   I have not worked in 9 years or so.  I am happy and nervous all at the same time!  It has been years since I have worked.   But we are in TN working at a camp ground and we have a place to stay.   And if the house sells we will be able to live on the pay!  Cross your fingers for the house selling we got any offer the other day. But enjoy a few pics from the trip here from NC.

Stress

I can't seem to not stress about everything and just relax easy when I need to.

I have treating my ADHD with vitamins and minerals my body is low on and using CBD oil to help with other issues as well. My mind is better than it as been in years. 

But stress of the new life we are living right now of not knowing what is next, who, what, when, where and why.  I am not good at this stuff but I know it is all a part of the fact we are selling our house, just getting started in full time RVing and I am not good with new change.  But I look forward to the chance to work on this part of my self but it is hard I will say for me.  

Hey if anyone has tips on how to help with stressing over everything.

I might have find my thing in life!?

In this journey I have been finding that I am falling in love with knife making and blacksmithing.  I find my self dreaming of knife making and my brain is full of 1000's of idea of things I would love to make and learn to make.   

But sadly after the reality of money and so on and the fact hubby is starting to think if something does not change soon he will have to give up knives making him self he said...   And all I can think is when I finely find my thing in life that it slips away from me and I will never get to do it. 

This is how my life seems to go I feel I am not meant to get to do what anything I want to or love in life.  Hubby would give to the world if I ask so that is not the issue here it is more like life makes sure I can't for what ever reason like is like something out there has a ax to grid with me and or hates me for what ever reason.

I pray to God for help and things to workout and it always go the other way and I even prayed once that if there is a God and he really cares about me this said thing will turn out good and in a good way for me and my family and the worst thing happened instead..  so that was the day I learned there is no God and something out there just hates me and wants me to not have the things I want or need in life. 

The only thing I am thankful for in all of this is I have my awesome hubby and kids  thanks for that at least. 

We started our journey.

Hubby is a bladesmith and he is really good but he has more to learn.  We hope in this journey to travel to other knife makers shops to learn from and we plan to work camp and odd jobs and so on to pay the bills.   And we are home school our kids in a online school so we need Internet and they are all good.

We left our backyard about a week a to before Christmas.  We stayed at a friends place that is a ABS Master Smith and we stayed with them until after Christmas.

Then we moved on to another good friends other in NC and we where there for about a week or so and sadly they had some family pass on both side of there family so we decided it was time to move on to let them have their space.  

So luckily we had another in NC as well blade smith friend we where going to see next anyway and we headed that way.  We get there new years day and stayed for just over a week and hubby had a beautiful chopper camp type knife and I get to learn a little on how to grid a knives. 

I am finding my self in love with knife making myself.  I have always loved metal working of all type my mind I never thought it would be something I would be able to do in my life.  

And that friend tell us about a ABS knife club meeting close to a friend's place close to haywood NC so we head that way to make there the day before the meeting.  We find a RV camp site place for about $20 a night we called and got a spot for that night.  And messaged the friend and it turns out that friend had a teaching job that popped up last minute for sure in a different state.  So here we are still in the park until Monday at noon and no where to go for sure.  We will most likely endup staying in a Walmart parking lot do to the fact unless something happens soon money and credit with runout.   We need to ether sell some knives or find a job to hold us over.  

My husand and I have decided to change our lives!

Hubby, I and the kids have been making some big changes to our lives.   We having downsizing everything we our to fit into a 28 feet RV and we are selling house in Charleston SC.  And we are going to travel around for hubby to learn from other knife makers and work camp and find other work as needed to pay bills.   We are homeschooling our kids through a online school as of right now and we plan on going over to more more homeschooling them later if we need more flexibility because as of right now we will have to go back to SC for testing but we can do that at any school in SC.