Got a lot on my mind! :(

Today had been fucking crazy!!   I lot a lot of on my mind!!!  This morning my mother in law texted me this morning to let us my father in law who has been having health issuse for about a 2 years now...  I am so sad for him to I love them both so much they are great in law too and they are family to me.   Well back to the story she texts and tells me he is in the hospital since Wednesday because he had a seizure and felt it he needed to get sick(I was told if you feel that way to get him the the hospital because of a herniated esophagus surgery he had and they told her too do so if her ever felt that way)..   And my his loving husband had been super stressed and over worked at work..   So he flipped out of her because she did not tell her sooner and the only fact she did even said anything to us is because my oldest kiddos Birthday is in less than a week from now and she has no way to do anything for him and she felt bad about that and did not want him to feel sad about that and so on.    And she being who she is she has to get the last word and can not sent one text with everything she sent them to hubby's phone for until he said stop and then again to me for over an hour piece by piece and on and on about why she   did what and why to what ever.. I stopped reading them to tell you the truth and stopped letting hubby see them because it was hurting him so much I felt.    And her had to work today as well on a Saturday so he is still at work do to who knows what is going on with things because of a lot maybe going wrong there!  :(  

  So she tried called him after she did hear something about what to going on with my father in law so she called me and I got a ear full and wow is all I can say too.  Sad and no idea what to say or what is going on because still to many unknowns and no real answer ether.  :(


And after talking more my mother in laws best friend who lives with them and is a the mother of my best friend in high school and love her like a second mother too by the way!!  Found out she had Breast  cancer and has her breast removed... And I am still in shock over this that on one told me this and after I gone off the phone I am in a store to buy burgers to cook for dinner I am in line to pay and I start texting my only mother "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MOMMY!"  because I could not remember the last time I told her that and I talk to her all the time but the last week had been busy for each one and I had to talked to her much so I called her and told her what was on my mind too and that love her so much again!  Talked to my daddy too and had a good talk when I was cooked dinner for my kiddos and he is still my daddy and makes me feel good and loved and smile.  I love that guy even if he still falls short because he is human and makes me mad because of the silly dumb things his does sometimes.   But he is and was an awesome dad to me and love him so much.

And with this all said too.  It had been a crazy week most good but crazy and friday was a day that I wish I could have a hold reset for and all in all...  All I can say I got to much on my mind and feeling stressed over everything and I all I can say is I can understand why people drink a lot all in all and become alcoholics!   I am not one that can and or will ever be one but I understand it right now is all I can say.

Feeling alone in a crowded room and I just want to scream and see if anyone can hear me!!!

This whole month as been off for me.  Have trouble keeping things together and getting every things done as well...   And as the month has moved on it has gotten worse and right now I feel alone standing in a crowded room full of people.  I feel like no one understands me and I was born in the wrong time and place.  On a good note over all I have been about to think clearer and joined a gym so I am losing weight as well, healthier as well, stronger and so on.   I feel like I just need out of my own head again....   I do know right now my other half is driving me nuts he just does not get the whole A.D.D. thing and "tries to help" and makes live hell for me and I am so tired of this right now...  So much so I could just scream and half the time to keep the peace I keep things to my self and talk about dumb stuff that is random really and make so since to people someone else sometime!  And my other half makes that worse too but stressing me out about that too.  And telling me to only talk about things that relate to the monument...    Good luck ass hat then I would never talk at all!!!      So I feel alone and sad right now...  Hubby is going thru some stress at work so he is binging some home from work with him and not meaning to passing it to me in him feeling and the way he talks me right now....   I am sure he was not mean to at all but I feel it right now and I feel like shit all the way around right now!  :(  


Hope this new month brings better things for me!  Sadness has to end for me!!