Wish I could?!

I wish I could turn my brain off and be a normal and simple person.  And be happy with just being.... and be in the the here and now...   I can't I am always thinking 10 steps ahead and stress my self over silly thing that are not even worth the thought I give them.   I am thinking of at least 37 things at the least and all at the same time and none of the are the same thing of even train of thought.   Some are in the front of the mind and actively in thought throw and others are in the back of my mind much like a computer and it background tasks.  I often feel and refer to my brian working like a computer too.


I have found my self sitting under my laptop and watching TV in a effort to get out of my own head.  I spend a great deal of time on searching craft sites and blogs to come up with ideas of things todo when I am out of ideas.  And it has turned in to a every and all day thing.  And I find I am just unhappy and sad a lot of time do to I feel like I never get anything done and it is true too.   I end up feeling worthless and not wanting to do anything because I am not worth the time it takes to do said thing because I have not even done the things I need to get done....  

Some times it is like a deer in headlights feeling I have some merry things I need to do I have NO IDEA where to start and I just do nothing at all.  So it makes me feel crazy, worthless, stupid, hateful to my self, sad, mad and not nice really to be around sometimes.   I wish I could just put things out of my mind and be ok, happy, just do things and be simple..  But I am not....   I end up needing things to snap my self out of these times but doing something big like sky diving, big crazy different hair cut, dying my hair a really different color, a pricing of some type and things like this!